Robert Downey Jr is More Hipster than you.

then one day the most unhipster thing happened ever and RDJ was not amused. In fact i think he turned into an older lesbian woman just for this one photo.

It’s time for yet another Hipster RDJ™ Did You Know!

DId you know? Robert Downey jr knew about both sars and bird flu decades before it existed? Well, it’s true*! Check out the mask he is wearing with jour de vivre! Isnt he stylish? 

So maybe its not all that hipster but who are you to say what is hipster!?!? If you are such an expert on hipster why are you reading this blog? Shouldnt you be writing it? and you’re not writing it and I know it for a fact because I am touching keys right now and there are words appearing. So unless you have created a machine that somehow makes me type words that you already wrote, it is me who is writing and not you, therefore, you have NO right to judge what is hipster. Whew.

Besides, one of the truest marks of what makes a hipster is knowing about cool things before everyone else (and not liking them anymore once other people do). So once again RDJ is much more hipster than you. I think you know the drill by now.

This guy wearing a mask, however, isn’t hipster at all.

*no it’s not.

You know what’s hipster as fuck? Totally being able to see a dude’s junk through his pants.

Also, sticking your finger up at a camera.

Its time for blah blah Hipster RDJ™ Did You Know! (blahhh)

Did You Know, Robert Downey Jr gave up the party life a few years back now and kicked most of his drug habits (nicotine’s a bitch). He accounts this to a lot of stuff, but that’s all lies. Im here to tell you the real reason he gave up that shit. Its because he WENT BACK IN TIME AND WENT STRAIGHT EDGE! Now, stay with me here, guys. I know it sounds crazy. But RDJ totally went back in time using his previously mentioned time bending powers, and went to DC and saw minor threat play one night. 

Ian was all like “Listen, this is no set of rules. I’m not telling you what to do. But seriously dude, crack is whack. Stop it. And sex and cigarettes are lame too.” Robert didn’t hear the last two bits as someone had decided right at that moment to put their “damaged” LP on and everyone started slam dancing. But he got the first part. And that’s all that matters

Ok. Srs post is srs, you guys. Drugs are bad. Don’t do them. Only SWIMs (or SWIYs?) can do them. I know its totally hipster to do drugs, but talking about doing drugs is like being that 14 year old on the school bus who keeps talking about how many bong hits he did on the weekend. No one cares, bro. And seriously, stop trying to act gangsta while you’re at it. You’re whiter than a fucking lab rat.

So our bud RDJ did some crayyy shit back in the day and I didn’t mean to rhyme but it turned out ok. So you think my rhymes are wack well I think you’re gay and I mean that in the mid century way (no homo).

Srs though how fucking stylin’ is he for a criminal? Puts Lilo is shame. Dude was bustin heads in jail like a baller, yo. Dude was behind bars back before ‘Twuan even had his first face tat. If that doesn’t earn some cred then nothing does.

Next time you are telling that story about how the cops nearly arrested you that night you had your music up too loud, just think about RDJ chillin in a cell way back in the day and you wont feel so fucking tough. Posing and thinking you are hot shit cause you yelled “fuck you” in a cops face once when you were drunk on new years, or you make pig noises when a cop car goes past, that shit is LAME. C’mon kids. this man is the real fucking deal and nothing beats hipster bullshit like KEEPING IT REAL. 

hipsterrdj author OUT. *drops mic, walks away*

I know this post is gonna make some ppl mad/bummed but I don’t care cause whatever. its not all laffs you know. All the 90s hipster darlings who killed themselves or ODed or whatever and this guy is still going strong like a fucking champion. Sometimes your biggest obstacle is yourself and I think more people should think about fighting through rather than being all “this is who I am” and just being losers. Less wallowing in your sorrow and more second chances, pls. Enough real talking. I’m off to search for pics of RDJ in goofy glasses with coloured lenses.

I know what you’re thinking. “How is this photo hipster?” Ok, well let me explain before you jump to conclusions. You are like that saying ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’. Don’t judge a blog post by its picture, you dorkus! Geez.

Number one - those glasses. Nope, they’re totally not hipster at all.

Numero Dos - The water bottle. we all know why people carry bottled water in clubs. its not just from getting thirsty from all that dancing. Don’t grind those teeth too much, lil’ Robbie (that’s his rap name).

And Number C, I actually found this pic somewhere on The Cobra Snake. I wanna see how many pages you’ll go through to prove me wrong. There are only so many pictures of rich people in their late twenties dressing like teenagers and throwing up on each other a person can take before they just give up. Take the Hipster RDJ Cobra Snake Challenge™ today! We guarantee you’ll be more regular* in two weeks, or your money back!

*lol poop.

Oh, you really love Pulp Fiction, eh? You started a band called the crazy 88s after you saw Kill Bill. You have seen Grindhouse in the cinema in full the way it was meant to be shown. You recite lines from Reservoir Dogs any chance you get.

Well RDJ has smoked invisible joints with Quentin Tarantino. So fuck you. 

“I hope my hair looks like Morrissey in this photo cause I’m pretty bummed out today, man.  ’to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.’ sigh.” - Internal monologue of RDJ . Right after this photo was taken he smoked a clove cigarette and hung out in the park writing poetry into a moleskine, later sitting on the swings and giving girls that walked by long, meaningful stares.

Its gonna be okay, man. Cheer up. 

Sometimes Robert likes to sit around and silently judge you all the way from the past. He knows you could never pull off a white teeshirt/cream jeans combination. Is it ironic, some reverse goth/emo kind of thing? Maybe its a protest against the conformity of sticking to the runway’s idea of which colours will be “in” this year. Who knows. You can only wistfully guess why he came to this fashion decision and then managed to look better than you in your most honeycombed nudies.

Speaking of creamed jeans… what were we talking about again?

Oh yeah. Dude’s even sitting in a rustic window frame most people spend thousands on in the hopes the Selby will be “in their place” one day. Nice try, losers. Bold fashion choices and interior design in one hit. Is there anything he can’t do?